Trust the Process

As anyone who knows me is aware balance is NOT a skill that I have much of.  I have always  been an all or nothing kind of person.  In every arena, I give 110%.  Whether I'm pursuing a new hobby, training or having a good time there is very rarely middle ground.

With most things, this tendency has not had a negative impact on my life.  Quite often it's been the very reason I've succeeded.  My intensity made me a good student.  It has made me drive to always be better.  It kept me focused in the practice room in college when all the other college kids were drinking their lives away.  My drive to be perfect gives me an edge when it comes to completing tasks and reaching goals that I have set for myself.

On the other hand, my pursuit of perfection has fed a lifetime of neurosis, and the need to always work harder even when my body, spirit and mind are clearly NOT in the place to do so.  This neurosis has fueled my curiosity and my interest in sports nutrition.  I need to know how to fuel the demands that I place on my body, or at least, that's what I try to convince myself as I chew through research about macros.  More often than not my obsession is fueled by the voice in my head that tells me I'm not presenting the body that I think that I should to my clients and myself.  I don't "look the part", and I'm reading everything I can get my hands on so that I can restrict the diet that is supposed to fuel my ridiculous training schedule.

Happy Place Weight...But.. could be leaner...

I say all of this to shed light on the other reason that I started this blog.  I want my clients and anyone who stumbles upon this blog to see that trainers don't always trust the process that we ask you to.  This "whole 30" experiment was a test on me to find out if I could.  As it happens, I did, almost to a fault.  I'm proud of that fact, but I realize that my all or nothing attitude with it came at a cost to my training.  It crippled my running, and my recovery.  My cardio health faltered and my lifts dropped.  Additionally, my body comp has begun to change in ways that I'm not excited about.  BUT, I gave it the 30 days.  I trusted a process, even if it wasnt' the one I should've.  Going forward, I'll be continuing to stumble through the process of gaining balance between my training and my diet, my trainer persona and the human who loves to entertain, and my spirit and my lizard brain.   I'll be trying to feed my body what it needs 90% of the time, and what my mind wants 10%, so I can recomp properly.  I'll be trying to train, so that I am as fit, strong and lean as I NEED to be for me, without over doing it and wearing myself down.

Thank you to anyone who reads this blog, and has a comment or two.  If it strikes a cord, I'm glad, but most of all I'm thankful I am still trying, at least, to trust the process.