Ebola.
It's everywhere right now, and for the first time since I joined the HAZMAT team I'm actually thinking about what I might be asked to do. When the first victims were brought back to the CDC in Atlanta for treatment a Pandora's box was cracked open. Since then there have been cases in Dallas, Spain, and North Carolina. Certain strains of this virus have a 70% fatality rate.
I know that when I signed on for this that I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to help people in their worst moments of fear and illness. With the Ebola outbreak I may actually get that chance and I wish that I could say I was feeling gung-ho. What I'm feeling is scared. I feel undereducated. Though I realize that treating someone with the virus would give me the chance to help someone when they are the MOST afraid I worry about what that could mean for my own well being.
There is so much living that I want to do. There are places I haven't been, things I haven't done, and things that I haven't said. Wearing the appropriate protective gear is one thing, but it's in the removal that health care workers are getting sick. I know that my training has taught me how to remove that gear. That should give me comfort... If God wants me I should be willing to go, but frankly, if I said I were then I'd be lying.
Still, I'm not writing this to say that I'm not willing to go. I just need some place to express my fears. IF, and that's a really big IF, we get that call to go help someone with the Virus then I will. I'll volunteer to go in first, suit up and assess which ever patient needs my help. In the meantime, I'll be washing my hands, practicing my doffing procedures, memorizing the bleach solution mix method and hugging my husband extra hard before I leave for my station.
