A world of possibility is mine

Running through the woods this morning it was 18 degrees and breezy. These are the sort of conditions that allow the part of me that desperately needs to be seen as a hardass to smile ear to ear. 

At the same time, I found myself feeling incredibly disconcerted. There was no reason for it this morning. My client session at 7:30 had gone great. I saw a friend of mine in the gym who I'm relieved is back to working out. I slept through the night and yet there it is again- discomfort. This concept of "just being", what does it mean to me really?

I'm an adventurer, a singer, an athlete, a dancer. My realtionship with my identity has been fraught with stress as long as I've been a conscious being. This idea that we should always strive for this Zen-like ideal of being strikes me a ever more unrealistic. Further I find the idea exhausting the older I get.  

I think that's because I've missed the point all this time! What if "just being" has less to do with serenity and more to do with acceptance and love of the person I already am? I have a hunger for more that drives me forward constantly. What kind of things could I accomplish if I wasn't trying to damper that fire and ambition? Chances are if I fully embraced my intensity I'd find myself in places and situations only dreamt of before. 

When I look at it from that angle I don't find the pursuit of being quite as tedious! It seems joyous and full. Being seems like a virtuous and exciting goal that doesn't require stillness that the yogis would convince you it does. I am passionate about a million different things and certain about few.  I choose to love carefully and fully.  I want to try on all my dreams a while to see which ones feel like me. I will lift till I break, run till I reach the peak and stand at the corner of the universe holding hands with the man I love.

I'm learning to "be" and it's not a quiet act, and that's just fabulous with me!